Rant 2
Hi, today something I'm worried about is finally solved because it didn't even happen wtf so I'm quite happy now wtf.
I think there's something wrong with my google chrome cause like when I browsing things suddenly come out some trust unit thing making me damn fed up cause have to restart google chrome zz wtf I think I am going to download opera after this.
see, before I can finish typing this shit come out again. Then I need to restart. Don't know what is wrong, sigh, some more this is new laptop. Think I should bring it to Sony to change a new one wtf
Now I'm hiding in my sister's room because they are back to my grandma's house with my mom and my room air cond spoiled. Damn sad and hot can die. I thinking want to get my table back to my room or not, cause I donated to my sister after I graduated from Taylor's but now I think I need a study table wtf
Stressing about tomorrow, don't know who can fetch me home after work or need to wait blindly at work place until my brother finish work at 7pm, by the time he reach my office is 7:30pm-8pm. And I finish work at 6pm.
Fucking sad.
No car no license is like that. Some more now no mum wtf lack of love zz
Some more such coincidence my boss is on annual leave tomorrow and one of my colleague's girlfriend just had an accident today so yeah wtf last hope to one more guy but he going the NPE way unless I ask him drop me at ss15, my friend's house, but so jam.. will he? Cause if he turn right then straight go NPE already haih fucking stress talking to myself again. End up no choice take cab home zzzzzzzzzz.
Okay bye I wanna go shopping for my galaxy note cover already (almost type iphone haha wtf)
Rant continues..
Suddenly felt damn moody don't know why. I kind of miss the feeling of heading to the club every night but I'm not really allowed to. Afraid this might affect our relationship because there's so many misunderstandings. Some times I just feel like leaving everything and just be back myself. I wanna get out once a in a blue moon. I am not really a family type of person, or maybe I was but I was rejected thus I gave up and wanting to be myself.
But when I want to be myself, I am not allow.
THIS KIND OF FEELING. SUCKS.
At the same time I damn love him & also he damn nice to me I don't want to see him sad or emo cause I wanna go club.. although my intention is just that I really miss all my clubbing friends (Samantha, Serene, Pauline, Apple, Joey T_T & the rest) I also miss my best friend's birthday. Sorry Raine T___T but Raine's birthday is because I have to work early and the night before I didn't sleep haha, so not counted really :p
But the rest, I even missed their birthdays (during off day wtf) and felt damn fucking bad cause last year when I celebrated my birthday at Delux and Alive, both, they all were there even when they need to work the next day sigh. Cause my birthday last year falls on a Monday and they all celebrate my birthday 2 nights in a row you know then cause them to take mc the 3rd day wtf
T____________T
Sigh don't know what to do. Forget it lah. Life sucks anyway. That's why there isn't any option actually when people say what give you 2 choice.
Actually if you realize, 2 option is actually only 1 option.
Cause you either get A or B. You can't have both. What more 3.
Nobody can understand sigh fuck it, fuck everything.
Labels: Rant, Stress
Mixed feelings
Wtf happened to blogger again. Damn disappointed cause I don't even know how to function this thing. But never mind. Feel like talking to myself today cause it's been quite a hectic week. Or weeks..
Today received another complain from customer, didn't really spoil my mood but the thought of this complain MIGHT impact my salary, I felt kind of angry. I have to work so hard, speak to inconsiderate customers who always think of their own rights and their mind set is always - such a big company, why you care of few hundreds?
What if I am the one who owes you money? Sure make noise like fuck.
So I decided to change my job, as in the location, but doubt it will be approve because right now our department itself already lack of employees. Sigh, fucking sad can die.
Last week, finally went and take my stupid undang test but somehow my IC spoiled. The 64k chip card thing. Fucking disappointed again cause I really put shit into this test (finally). And I'm 20 going on 21 without a fucking license wtf
NEVERMIND.
My sister is getting better after consulting a specialist. This is the only thing I'm practically happy about, seriously.
My relationship.. sigh, many stupid problems. From me? From him? Don't know. I keep thinking is my fucking mistake why he did that to me on January. And for me, after he did such thing he still can treat me like as if I AM WRONG.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
But we are good these two days. Hope nothing will change, at least for now.
The only shit I am stressing is my job. No one fucking know how suffering is this job. Googled travel agency and none pay is as much as my current one so no way I going to work somewhere where by my pay is lower right duh wtf
Sad, still no solution to my question.
Sorry my blog like shit cause I damn lazy edit, maybe later cause I damn free today. Just came back from work and charging my phone, like browsing net see if there's anything to buy wtf
Labels: Myself, Relationship, Work
Rant 1
Actually I got lots of things to rant about. Especially my job. To be fact I am happy here, like 80%. But where did the another 20% went?! & also pay very good *shy
I'm very angry this morning cause someone accused me but actually I'm not gonna write that detail because this is actually very public wtf BUT IM STILL VERY ANGRY and my punching bag is sleeping soundly at home.. In the rain while I'm working on a public holiday! And I'm typing this through my iPhone wtf (and I don't know if anyone reads cause I don't advertise my blog wtf except in twitter)
Grr & my boss don't wanna help me so I very sad & angry people can just accuse me like that..
SOME MORE this is not first time! I've been accused for stealing sales before wtf something that gotta do with their feng shui eversince I enter this company.
I'm now officially an unhappy girl. I used to be so happy & now I'm so quiet now and I choose not to speak to anyone because I'm emotionally an mentally hurt wtf
Anyhow also end up I'm also in the fault cause I did not inform wtf
I'm just following and I'm still wrong.
HONESTLY will you inform your manager that you're leaving earlier when it's clearly stated there you should leave at 6pm but BY RIGHT you suppose to leave at 615pm?!
WILL YOU?!
Cause I won't and I think it's normal wtf
I'm so sad I'm in fault for something I didn't do in purpose & now I need to find proof to prove I'm innocent sigh why does this make it sound like I'm working in a law firm wtf
Sad grace going back to work now byes.
Labels: Work
Hope things change.
While planning to actually send one of my sister to boarding school, this is planned since long ago as her behavior started to change and she's no longer the sister I ever recognize.
So yesterday my brother was like saying she is not she, & that she's dead and this is another soul in her body. Some Chinese superstitious thing so I kind of, sort of, started to think about it & believe in it.
Until late that night after dinner, I went & approach her and gave her allowance while she was on the phone with her friend.
After she finish talking on phone, she knock my room door & ask why did I give her allowance for wtf
One sentence that strike me is that when she says "you keep the money lah you also not staying with us anymore, you'll need it more."
She IS still my sister. Not like what my brother said what another soul & all wtf
It's just that sometimes she's acting really strange but I guess thats how all teenager behave because they haven't grow up yet & doesn't understand? Like how all of us are last time?
Maybe I was like that too last time but it's just that I don't remember? I didn't realize? Because I always believe I'm always right. Everyone always thought they are always right, right? Especially someone like me who cannot afford to lose.
I guess she just need some time. Well I don't know if sending her to boarding school will even help.
Boarding school = NS
The only difference is that we have to pay for it. & who likes being control my some old woman wtf
There's alot of changes from her ever since we're back from Korea. Sigh Korea. Hope everything will get back to normal soon.
Labels: Family
Another blue day yet yellow.
Went Gardens today with KC to get nubra from Lasenza but it's outta stock. Decided to burn the money online then.. At nubra.sg. Hope it's worth the money. :D
Went Harvey Norman while planning for our future home. So sweet! Saw a freaking huge refrigerator that I like! Can store lots of food but the chicken part is a little too big as I don't know how to cook at all. I only know how to cook spaghetti. I'm like super professional at that ☺
This is just samples.
Anyway realized blogger changed with those html things and I can't like just don't use this html thing and blog as if I'm typing at Microsoft Word or Notepad. Blahhhh, not as nice as before. Oh weeeeelll. Things changed, I changed & you changed.
Just came back from work & is effing tired, time to bath & sleep.
& I'm so lazy to key in my nuffnang thing or whatever and this blogskin sucks. So lazy to even edit or look through the html. Can't believe I did that last time wtf I probably spent few hours doing this thing. Ugh, I'm a busy woman now. I was only form2 back then wtf
BYES!
Labels: Daily
A blue Wednesday ��
Yesterday was the day I almost go crazy. I don't know how to accept this kind of thing over again. I don't even what to do & the minute I knew the truth I feel as if millions of knife is stabbing me and felt like a completely stupid idiot for the past few months. I really didn't want to turn back but my heart wants to stay. I tried to cool myself down for quite sometime, hiding in the washroom, sitting in a corner.. just completely wanna get out of that picture.
I even tried sleeping but the moment I close my eyes it was those images I don't wanna see at all. It really did hurt me a lot. I don't know if I can really just forget what had happened because this is what I least expect after seeing so many things & after all the dramas.
I tried to stay as calm as possible and tried to force my mind to forgive this situation but I guess I didn't learn my lesson from the past.
So I went back to my 2nd home yesterday but guess what, it was quite true. The feeling is no longer there because that is the place that bring me all this pain right now. I spent the night thinking a lot. Does he deserve this chance, is he worth all this pain? I find myself giving myself all sort of excuses, excuses to forgive, excuses to push the blame to myself instead; hoping I was the cause of this but it wasn't. & so every each question ask was not answered.
Because I couldn't find any answer to fight back for him. Every answer was so negative. Every answer made the pain worse.
I don't know who to talk with & what to say. All I know is my heart is still hurting & seriously I can't accept this kind of... thing.
But I decided to stay & continue trusting, hoping this won't happen again. Reality is cruel, living in denial will only bring more pain when the least expected situation occur.
Then, a question pop up.
Can a monogamous long term relationship or a marriage be save after infidelity? Once a cheater always a cheater?
The moment I woke up this afternoon, staring at the ceiling, hoping if yesterday could just be a dream. Or an unwanted nightmare. At least it's only a nightmare & not the truth.. Then tears roll down. I wonder when can I totally let this down..
Labels: Marriage
Rant 2
Hi, today something I'm worried about is finally solved because it didn't even happen wtf so I'm quite happy now wtf.
I think there's something wrong with my google chrome cause like when I browsing things suddenly come out some trust unit thing making me damn fed up cause have to restart google chrome zz wtf I think I am going to download opera after this.
see, before I can finish typing this shit come out again. Then I need to restart. Don't know what is wrong, sigh, some more this is new laptop. Think I should bring it to Sony to change a new one wtf
Now I'm hiding in my sister's room because they are back to my grandma's house with my mom and my room air cond spoiled. Damn sad and hot can die. I thinking want to get my table back to my room or not, cause I donated to my sister after I graduated from Taylor's but now I think I need a study table wtf
Stressing about tomorrow, don't know who can fetch me home after work or need to wait blindly at work place until my brother finish work at 7pm, by the time he reach my office is 7:30pm-8pm. And I finish work at 6pm.
Fucking sad.
No car no license is like that. Some more now no mum wtf lack of love zz
Some more such coincidence my boss is on annual leave tomorrow and one of my colleague's girlfriend just had an accident today so yeah wtf last hope to one more guy but he going the NPE way unless I ask him drop me at ss15, my friend's house, but so jam.. will he? Cause if he turn right then straight go NPE already haih fucking stress talking to myself again. End up no choice take cab home zzzzzzzzzz.
Okay bye I wanna go shopping for my galaxy note cover already (almost type iphone haha wtf)
Rant continues..
Suddenly felt damn moody don't know why. I kind of miss the feeling of heading to the club every night but I'm not really allowed to. Afraid this might affect our relationship because there's so many misunderstandings. Some times I just feel like leaving everything and just be back myself. I wanna get out once a in a blue moon. I am not really a family type of person, or maybe I was but I was rejected thus I gave up and wanting to be myself.
But when I want to be myself, I am not allow.
THIS KIND OF FEELING. SUCKS.
At the same time I damn love him & also he damn nice to me I don't want to see him sad or emo cause I wanna go club.. although my intention is just that I really miss all my clubbing friends (Samantha, Serene, Pauline, Apple, Joey T_T & the rest) I also miss my best friend's birthday. Sorry Raine T___T but Raine's birthday is because I have to work early and the night before I didn't sleep haha, so not counted really :p
But the rest, I even missed their birthdays (during off day wtf) and felt damn fucking bad cause last year when I celebrated my birthday at Delux and Alive, both, they all were there even when they need to work the next day sigh. Cause my birthday last year falls on a Monday and they all celebrate my birthday 2 nights in a row you know then cause them to take mc the 3rd day wtf
T____________T
Sigh don't know what to do. Forget it lah. Life sucks anyway. That's why there isn't any option actually when people say what give you 2 choice.
Actually if you realize, 2 option is actually only 1 option.
Cause you either get A or B. You can't have both. What more 3.
Nobody can understand sigh fuck it, fuck everything.
Labels: Rant, Stress
Mixed feelings
Wtf happened to blogger again. Damn disappointed cause I don't even know how to function this thing. But never mind. Feel like talking to myself today cause it's been quite a hectic week. Or weeks..
Today received another complain from customer, didn't really spoil my mood but the thought of this complain MIGHT impact my salary, I felt kind of angry. I have to work so hard, speak to inconsiderate customers who always think of their own rights and their mind set is always - such a big company, why you care of few hundreds?
What if I am the one who owes you money? Sure make noise like fuck.
So I decided to change my job, as in the location, but doubt it will be approve because right now our department itself already lack of employees. Sigh, fucking sad can die.
Last week, finally went and take my stupid undang test but somehow my IC spoiled. The 64k chip card thing. Fucking disappointed again cause I really put shit into this test (finally). And I'm 20 going on 21 without a fucking license wtf
NEVERMIND.
My sister is getting better after consulting a specialist. This is the only thing I'm practically happy about, seriously.
My relationship.. sigh, many stupid problems. From me? From him? Don't know. I keep thinking is my fucking mistake why he did that to me on January. And for me, after he did such thing he still can treat me like as if I AM WRONG.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
But we are good these two days. Hope nothing will change, at least for now.
The only shit I am stressing is my job. No one fucking know how suffering is this job. Googled travel agency and none pay is as much as my current one so no way I going to work somewhere where by my pay is lower right duh wtf
Sad, still no solution to my question.
Sorry my blog like shit cause I damn lazy edit, maybe later cause I damn free today. Just came back from work and charging my phone, like browsing net see if there's anything to buy wtf
Labels: Myself, Relationship, Work
Rant 1
Actually I got lots of things to rant about. Especially my job. To be fact I am happy here, like 80%. But where did the another 20% went?! & also pay very good *shy
I'm very angry this morning cause someone accused me but actually I'm not gonna write that detail because this is actually very public wtf BUT IM STILL VERY ANGRY and my punching bag is sleeping soundly at home.. In the rain while I'm working on a public holiday! And I'm typing this through my iPhone wtf (and I don't know if anyone reads cause I don't advertise my blog wtf except in twitter)
Grr & my boss don't wanna help me so I very sad & angry people can just accuse me like that..
SOME MORE this is not first time! I've been accused for stealing sales before wtf something that gotta do with their feng shui eversince I enter this company.
I'm now officially an unhappy girl. I used to be so happy & now I'm so quiet now and I choose not to speak to anyone because I'm emotionally an mentally hurt wtf
Anyhow also end up I'm also in the fault cause I did not inform wtf
I'm just following and I'm still wrong.
HONESTLY will you inform your manager that you're leaving earlier when it's clearly stated there you should leave at 6pm but BY RIGHT you suppose to leave at 615pm?!
WILL YOU?!
Cause I won't and I think it's normal wtf
I'm so sad I'm in fault for something I didn't do in purpose & now I need to find proof to prove I'm innocent sigh why does this make it sound like I'm working in a law firm wtf
Sad grace going back to work now byes.
Labels: Work
Hope things change.
While planning to actually send one of my sister to boarding school, this is planned since long ago as her behavior started to change and she's no longer the sister I ever recognize.
So yesterday my brother was like saying she is not she, & that she's dead and this is another soul in her body. Some Chinese superstitious thing so I kind of, sort of, started to think about it & believe in it.
Until late that night after dinner, I went & approach her and gave her allowance while she was on the phone with her friend.
After she finish talking on phone, she knock my room door & ask why did I give her allowance for wtf
One sentence that strike me is that when she says "you keep the money lah you also not staying with us anymore, you'll need it more."
She IS still my sister. Not like what my brother said what another soul & all wtf
It's just that sometimes she's acting really strange but I guess thats how all teenager behave because they haven't grow up yet & doesn't understand? Like how all of us are last time?
Maybe I was like that too last time but it's just that I don't remember? I didn't realize? Because I always believe I'm always right. Everyone always thought they are always right, right? Especially someone like me who cannot afford to lose.
I guess she just need some time. Well I don't know if sending her to boarding school will even help.
Boarding school = NS
The only difference is that we have to pay for it. & who likes being control my some old woman wtf
There's alot of changes from her ever since we're back from Korea. Sigh Korea. Hope everything will get back to normal soon.
Labels: Family
Another blue day yet yellow.
Went Gardens today with KC to get nubra from Lasenza but it's outta stock. Decided to burn the money online then.. At nubra.sg. Hope it's worth the money. :D
Went Harvey Norman while planning for our future home. So sweet! Saw a freaking huge refrigerator that I like! Can store lots of food but the chicken part is a little too big as I don't know how to cook at all. I only know how to cook spaghetti. I'm like super professional at that ☺
This is just samples.
Anyway realized blogger changed with those html things and I can't like just don't use this html thing and blog as if I'm typing at Microsoft Word or Notepad. Blahhhh, not as nice as before. Oh weeeeelll. Things changed, I changed & you changed.
Just came back from work & is effing tired, time to bath & sleep.
& I'm so lazy to key in my nuffnang thing or whatever and this blogskin sucks. So lazy to even edit or look through the html. Can't believe I did that last time wtf I probably spent few hours doing this thing. Ugh, I'm a busy woman now. I was only form2 back then wtf
BYES!
Labels: Daily
A blue Wednesday ��
Yesterday was the day I almost go crazy. I don't know how to accept this kind of thing over again. I don't even what to do & the minute I knew the truth I feel as if millions of knife is stabbing me and felt like a completely stupid idiot for the past few months. I really didn't want to turn back but my heart wants to stay. I tried to cool myself down for quite sometime, hiding in the washroom, sitting in a corner.. just completely wanna get out of that picture.
I even tried sleeping but the moment I close my eyes it was those images I don't wanna see at all. It really did hurt me a lot. I don't know if I can really just forget what had happened because this is what I least expect after seeing so many things & after all the dramas.
I tried to stay as calm as possible and tried to force my mind to forgive this situation but I guess I didn't learn my lesson from the past.
So I went back to my 2nd home yesterday but guess what, it was quite true. The feeling is no longer there because that is the place that bring me all this pain right now. I spent the night thinking a lot. Does he deserve this chance, is he worth all this pain? I find myself giving myself all sort of excuses, excuses to forgive, excuses to push the blame to myself instead; hoping I was the cause of this but it wasn't. & so every each question ask was not answered.
Because I couldn't find any answer to fight back for him. Every answer was so negative. Every answer made the pain worse.
I don't know who to talk with & what to say. All I know is my heart is still hurting & seriously I can't accept this kind of... thing.
But I decided to stay & continue trusting, hoping this won't happen again. Reality is cruel, living in denial will only bring more pain when the least expected situation occur.
Then, a question pop up.
Can a monogamous long term relationship or a marriage be save after infidelity? Once a cheater always a cheater?
The moment I woke up this afternoon, staring at the ceiling, hoping if yesterday could just be a dream. Or an unwanted nightmare. At least it's only a nightmare & not the truth.. Then tears roll down. I wonder when can I totally let this down..
Labels: Marriage
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